I am exhausted. Drained. I have just spent half an hour on the phone with one of those lamprey people. You know the type - it takes all of your energy to get them off the phone, and if you can't, they suck the life out of you by complaining about things so much that you end up in a horrible mood.
This one is the grandma of a girl in my Brownie unit. Her mother's mother. The Brownie lives with her dad & stepmom, so there is a custody issue to begin with. And then there is the whole parental strategy thing. I don't expect my mother-in-law agrees with how we are raising our children. Heck, I don't expect my mother agrees with it! But I think most people think we're doing our best. And the kids don't grumble too much, so it can't be all bad. But this grandma really doesn't agree with what dad is doing, and keeps trying to tell me why. I keep thinking that at least dad is looking after the kid - his parenting might not be perfect, but at least he is there, and he is trying.
I get to listen to this diatribe because grandma volunteers to help in the Brownie unit. More power to grandma, I appreciate the help. I just get frustrated by the idea that I get to listen to the family bickering because I'm the Brownie leader. When did it become okay to air family laundry to teachers and youth leaders? And really, short of having a bit more understanding of the issues in one Brownie's life, what am I gaining by hearing this? Maybe I can help the Brownie learn to become more independent and happier, but I try that with each girl I have in my unit.
It is amazing how complicated life can be when parents aren't together. I have yet to see a "good" separation. How easy it is for a child to play one parent off the other - and how much power it gives the kid. My kids can do this while Dale & I are in the same house, and we still like each other...I can only imagine how much this is done by children who are learning the fine art of manipulation through the divorce process.
So I'm left wondering how I can help this little girl when the adults in her life can't manage to act maturely enough to be adults. This seems to be a theme with me. Why should it have to fall to the village (or the teacher, or the Brownie Leader) to teach these kids responsibility and maturity? And as my sister points out, can we change the people who are perpetuating the problem? Or is this yet another exercise in futility?
I had better go and do some laundry and put things away. Like a grown up. I'd much rather leave them lie, but I guess I'd better try to be responsible too...
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I completely agree that it takes a village to raise a child... but I think that North American culture is creating a focus on self that is nefarious in a few different ways. Primarily the care givers are worried more about themselves than the children and secondly, the caregivers want complete control and are not open to sharing the task of raising their children. They have done studies of marriages that were in complete nose dives... the couples were miserable and ready to divorce. However, the couples stuck it out and five years later, were stronger than ever. There is never an easy solution and I'm sure there are reasons to separate, but sometimes I wonder if maybe, in some cases, the parents should have tried to work things out for the sake of their children. I don't know... I'm not one to judge and I'm not talking about specific situations... but I agree - I've never seen separations that work and I think that giving up is sometimes the option people go for before trying again.
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