the ritual slice

I have just finished making a slice.

That means that I have just finished concocting a 9x13 heart attack worth more than the Gross National Product of Swaziland. It is one of those "volunteer" efforts that come with living in the general vicinity of the Hamiota rink.

Let me elaborate on volunteer cooking.

If the product is to go to the school, it must be nut free, preferably soy free and not messy. I have to be a volunteer cook for hot lunch this week, so I'm making rice krispie cake. It doesn't manage to fall into the whole nutritional policy of the school, but it comes a lot closer than say...a cookie. We don't serve those for hot lunch, as they aren't nutritious.

At least when one cooks for the church it doesn't have to follow a nutritional policy. But, if one is asked for buns, they had better be white. And if one is asked for a dainty, well, that means a square. And no cheating - it should be from scratch- definitely not something from M&M's. One might get away with bringing bakery buns to the church, but it is considered cheating (and only acceptable if you are deathly ill or have a real job.) Some people also think that the nut/soy rule needs to be followed at church, especially if kids are involved. I don't send anything out of my home that has nuts in it just to be sure.

If one cooks for the blood donor clinic, one has to follow the school nut/soy rule, but not the school nutritional policy. So Chocolate chip cookies are fine. But chocolate-peanut butter is not. Unfortunately, no one tells you about that, so the school nut/soy policy is violated every time there is a blood donor clinic. Which seems hypocritical, as the blood donor clinic is in the elementary school gym.

If one cooks for the rink, there is a phone call. If you live in the vicinity of the rink, you are on a "community" group. And you will get phoned by one person every once in a while to either work at the kitchen, or make food, or both. If you should darken the doors of the rink (Dale curls out of Hamiota), you are also on a "user" group. Then you are phoned more frequently, by a different person, for food or work, or both. And that is different from the Ag society community group, which only phones once a year. They only ever want pies.

A common dish that is required by the rink convenors is a "slice". This must be a 9x13 pan, filled to the top. It must involve dream whip. It must involve pudding. It must have a graham wafer crumb crust. I begged one of my friends for a recipe, which I detest, but I make it for the rink. It involves four packages of dream whip. Two packages of pudding. So I trust that it is an acceptable slice. It also takes a whole afternoon to make.

The only way to get out of bringing a slice is to make two homemade nine inch pies. And by homemade, they mean rolling out the crust, filling, preferably with some berries from your garden and topping with a second crust. Lemon merangue is considered cheating.

Sometimes, just for variety, the phone call will ask for something different. Usually, for grad or for a barrel racing futurity, I'll get called for a dutch oven of potatoes. Or perhaps I would rather cook a turkey for the rink. Now, if I lived in town and could actually get the food to the rink hot, well, the turkey would be okay. Except they do seem to ask for those in the middle of summer. Which isn't fun - who wants a hot kitchen?

My biggest problem, though, is getting my dishes back. Which is why I have doubles of everything I cook with, most of which have my name on them. When you have to drive back to town to get your pan, sometimes it gets forgotten.

So the slice waits, in the fridge with saran wrap over top of toothpicks to keep it looking pretty, in the 9x13 pan with my name on it, until I can drive it ever so carefully into town tomorrow morning for the lunch at the rink. Hopefully Dale can remember to pick up the pan next week - I'll forget for sure.